Following the first annual ‘Roast and Ride’ this past weekend in Iowa, Seth Meyers took to mocking the entire event and the GOP contenders who attended. The comedian joked that the candidates couldn't stop making "lame pig puns."
After playing clips from Scott Walker, Lindsey Graham, and Iowa senator Chuck Grassley making various pig references, the Late Night host shouted: “Yikes! Can no one make a joke without falling back on a pig pun? Mike Huckabee, you can do this.” He then showed a clip of Huckabee ripping President Obama on the economy:
You know, this summer is normally the time when the big Hollywood film companies come out with a great new blockbuster, and you may not have heard, but just this morning it was announced that the biggest blockbuster of the summer is coming out, starring Barack Obama. It's a Disney picture. It's called "Honey, I shrunk the economy."
Predictably, the joke wasn’t good enough for Meyers, who added that “I’ve heard people tell the aristocrats joke faster.” If Hillary Clinton had told such a joke about a Republican presidential candidate, one would have to guess the reaction would be more favorable. It’s likely the late night comics would be talking about how ‘authentic’ the probable 2016 Democratic nominee was.
Meyers also devoted time to going after Ben Carson, who stated at the ‘Roast and Ride’ that he needed to switch speaking spots with Senator Rubio because he had a plane to catch. The comic – ignoring any number of posible reasons why Carson had to leave – ripped into the neurosurgeon:
Nothing let’s a crowd know you want their vote more than telling them you'll be heading to the airport as soon as you're done talking. Thank you for your time. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get the f*** out of Iowa.
Finally, Meyers attacked Carly Fiorina for her joke that she might ask Hillary in a debate if she has ever ridden a John Deere tractor:
Just imagine how much s*** would have to go wrong, how massive the nuclear annihilation would have to be for us to live in a world where it would be helpful if the president knew how to operate a tractor. Good news – I have good news, you don't have to imagine because it's all in my new dystopian young adult novel.
Meyers didn’t spare a single candidate – save Rick Perry – in his screed against the event hosted by Ernst. Will the late night comedian go after the Democratic candidates at their presidential events? Don’t hold your breath.
The relevant transcript is below.
Comedy Central
Late Night with Seth Meyers
June 9, 2015
12:43 a.m. EasternSETH MEYERS, host: So much political news happens on the weekend that sometimes it's easy to miss it, so it's time once again for Monday Catch Up. Everyone, spare a thought for the declared candidates in the 2016 presidential election, because as we get closer they have to attend more events like this weekend's ‘Roast and Ride’, a motorcycle and pork-themed rally hosted by Iowa senator Joni Ernst.
OFF-CAMERA NARRATOR: This is the first annual 'Roast and Ride', a new take on the classic Iowa presidential cattle call and the GOP place to be this weekend.
MEYERS: Pigs and politics have long been a calling card of Senator Ernst since her now famous 2014 election ad.
JONI ERNST, Iowa senator: I'm Joni Ernst. I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm. So when I get to Washington, I'll know how to cut pork.
MEYERS: Great commercial! Let's get one more take in pig. This time can you turn to the camera and oink as if you're saying, "say what?" Candidates interacted with voters, ate barbeque, and when it was time to take the stage, they couldn't resist making every lame pig pun in the book.
SCOTT WALKER, Wisconsin governor: I gotta tell you, I love a senator who knows how to castrate a pig, ride a hog and cut the pork from Washington, D.C.
LINDSEY GRAHAM, South Carolina senator: She promised to make people squeal. They're squealing, particularly the men.
MEYERS: Why are the men squealing? Is she castrating more than pigs? The terrible pig puns led Iowa's other senator Chuck Grassley to take the stage and tell the candidates they were better than that.
CHUCK GRASSLEY, Iowa senator: We have to ride to a new sunrise for America, and I want you to know that I’m in this whole hog.
MEYERS: Yikes! Can no one make a joke without falling back on a pig pun? Mike Huckabee, you can do this.
MIKE HUCKABEE, 2016 presidential candidate: You know, this summer is normally the time when the big Hollywood film companies come out with a great new blockbuster, and you may not have heard, but just this morning it was announced that the biggest blockbuster of the summer is coming out, starring Barack Obama. It's a Disney picture. It's called "Honey, I shrunk the economy."
MEYERS: I've heard people tell the aristocrats joke faster. But the wry comic stylings of Mike Huckabee wasn't the only thing slowing down the afternoon. The stage was so far away from where the candidates were waiting, they all had to make the choice, "do I keep walking or do I break into an awkward half jog?"
OFF CAMERA NARRATOR: Carly Fiorina. Dr. Ben Carson. Marco Rubio.
MARCO RUBIO, Florida senator: That's the most exercise I've gotten in a while.
MEYERS: Also, good call using the same song to introduce all of the candidates. Now, some candidates were in more of a hurry than others, such as Ben Carson, who had to switch his speaking spot with Rubio to catch his plane.
BEN CARSON, 2016 presidential candidate: I want to thank Senator Rubio for trading places with me because I have a tight flight.
MEYERS: Nothing let’s a crowd know you want their vote more than telling them you'll be heading to the airport as soon as you're done talking. Thank you for your time. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get the f*** out of Iowa. In Carson's defense – in Carson's defense, at least he didn't check his watch during his remarks.
BEN CARSON: Fortunately, living in this country, I was able to realize that dream. [checks watch]
MEYERS: He must have had a great bedside manner as a neurosurgeon. Now tell me what's wrong with your brain? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. [checks watch] Of course, it wouldn't be a Republican event without mention of Hillary, and this time it was Carly Fiorina dropping the hammer with this zinger about how she'd burn Hillary in a debate.
CARLY FIORINA, presidential candidate: I really would be tempted on that general election debate stage to ask Hillary if she's ever ridden on a John Deere tractor.
MEYERS: Just imagine how much s*** would have to go wrong, how massive the nuclear annihilation would have to be for us to live in a world where it would be helpful if the president knew how to operate a tractor. Good news – I have good news, you don't have to imagine because it's all in my new dystopian young adult novel. Only 100 chosen ones made it to safety before the reckoning, and when they emerged from their underground silo they saw the world they knew was now a wasteland, but they had their seeds and when President Fiorina said, "bring me the tractor," they also had hope. It's called "President Farmer" and it's available at all secondary airports. The next big event for Republicans in the state is the Iowa Straw Poll in two months, but some are worried the once-relevant event is losing its luster. It would be a shame to lose the straw poll because obviously it's a lot of fun when candidates get together. It's also a shame that the lack of a crowded Democratic field hasn't provided their party with a similar event to 'Roast and Ride'. The closest so far being new Hampshire's under attended, "we know Hillary's going to be the nominee but rollerblade by our baked potato bar anyway."
