On Monday, Late Night host Seth Meyers devoted 4 minutes of his broadcast to smearing 19 potential Republican presidential candidates who spoke at a New Hampshire Republican Party gathering over the weekend.
During the segment, Meyers opined that the New Hampshire event was “sort of like the first couple episodes of the Bachelor before they weed out the crazy one and the black one leaves” and attempted to dissect the supposed flaws in each one of their potential candidacies.
The NBC comedian began by going after Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and scolded him for criticizing Hillary Clinton for being out-of-touch with average Americans:
Walker bragged about wearing a suit that he got on sale at Joseph A. Bank. And told the crowd that Hillary Clinton has probably never been to a Kohl's. And let me just say if your best attack on Hillary Clinton is her wardrobe is too fancy, I don't love your chances.
Throughout the segment, the former Saturday Night Live writer and cast member did his best to downplay and Republican’s chances of defeating Clinton and considered each of their candidacies severely flawed:
Walker then went onto say that Hillary Clinton probably hadn't gone shopping for herself in the last two decades. Yeah, probably not. She was first lady, and then a senator and then secretary of state. And I'm pretty sure if she did spend any time bargain hunting, Fox News would spend a week on Bhargainghazi.
Meyers went on to criticize Republicans Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Jeb Bush before he turned to the latest liberal media obsession over whether certain Republicans would ever attend a gay wedding:
Many candidates were asked if they would personally attend a same-sex wedding if a friend invited them to one. Scott Walker said he'd been to a gay reception, but not a gay wedding. Stating, "I haven't been at a wedding, but for someone I love, we've been to a reception." Hey, we all want to just go to the reception. The open bar is the payment for sitting through the service. You, sir, are a free loader.
In total, Meyers spent less than 20 seconds on Hillary Clinton’s candidacy and merely joked that “it's not just New Hampshire Republicans who get to have the fun. Today, all the Democratic candidates arrived in New Hampshire. Oh, right, there's just the one. Maybe someone else will run. It's too early to tell.”
See relevant transcript below.
NBC’s Late Night with Seth Meyers
April 20, 2015
SETH MEYERS: You guys, with the 2016 election only 81 weeks away, things are really heating up. Oh, wait, no, it's not hot at all. Oh well, that didn't stop 19 potential GOP candidates from making their way to a conference sponsored by the New Hampshire Republican Party. 19 candidates. That's one for every month until the election. For a quick rundown of how the GOP field faired in the first in the nation primary state, it's time for a segment we call "Live free or die trying." I grew up in New Hampshire and one of the most exciting parts about the Granite State -- other than all the granite, that is -- is when a flock of presidential candidates descends to curry favor with our 1.3 million residents. And if you're a Republican voter in New Hampshire, man, oh, man, do you have choices in 2016.
First up, Wisconsin's Governor Scott Walker. He hasn't declared he's running for president yet, but he's buttering us all up with the tried and true "I'm relatable" technique. During his speech, Walker bragged about wearing a suit that he got on sale at Joseph A. Bank. And told the crowd that Hillary Clinton has probably never been to a Kohl's. And let me just say if your best attack on Hillary Clinton is her wardrobe is too fancy, I don't love your chances. Walker then went onto say that Hillary Clinton probably hadn't gone shopping for herself in the last two decades. Yeah, probably not. She was first lady, and then a senator and then secretary of state. And I'm pretty sure if she did spend any time bargain hunting, Fox News would spend a week on ‘Bhargainghazi.”
Rand Paul was up next. He tried the "I'm relatable" technique as well by wearing blue jeans. He says he's a new kind of candidate that can appeal to minorities and young people the way your stepdad tries to relate to you. Oh, these? These are my Levis pants. What's say we put them on the Instagram. Paul did separate himself from the rest of the Republican field by arguing against military intervention in Iran. Because Paul is a libertarian who believes the only role of government is to give you a switchblade on your second birthday and wish you the best of luck.
Speaking of Iran, Mike Huckabee said Iran is a viper. And explained, "You don't try to reason with the snake. You don't pet the snake. You don't try to have a conversation with the snake. You get a shotgun or a shovel or a hoe and you take the snake's head off before he bites you." Huckabee failed to add, " although, if the last two times you tried to take off a snake's head it turned into a decades long war, maybe you might at least consider leaving the snake the [ bleep ] Alone." Let me just do that with the snake. We'll try that once with the snake.
Jeb Bush also spoke and repeatedly mentioned the birth of his fourth grandson. Hey, we know what you're trying to do. You can't make us forget the old Bushes by telling us about the new Bushes. It's not like we only have room in our heads for three Bushes. We can remember them all. We aren't George W. “I know it was Marvin, there's a Jeb. There's me."
Many candidates were asked if they would personally attend a same-sex wedding if a friend invited them to one. Scott Walker said he'd been to a gay reception, but not a gay wedding. Stating, "I haven't been at a wedding, but for someone I love, we've been to a reception." Hey, we all want to just go to the reception. The open bar is the payment for sitting through the service. You, sir, are a free loader.
Marco Rubio, who opposed same sex marriage, said he's already been to a gay wedding. Saying "I'm not going to hurt them simply because I disagree with the choice they've made." And I think gay or not, we've all been to a few of those weddings. You're marrying Susan? Well, I'll show up, but I'm waiting the whole year before I buy the gift.
Overall, it was a fun weekend in New Hampshire. Everybody was there making their case and trying to stand out. It's sort of like the first couple episodes of the Bachelor before they weed out the crazy one and the black one leaves. And it's not just New Hampshire Republicans who get to have the fun. Today, all the Democratic candidates arrived in New Hampshire. Oh, right, there's just the one. Maybe someone else will run. It's too early to tell. This has been "Live free or die trying."
