This is part 2 of the late night “comedy” shows reacting to the fall of Roe v. Wade. Click here for part 1.
NBC host of Late Night Seth Meyers reacted to the demise of Roe v. Wade by turning his Monday show into an advertisement for Planned Parenthood, while Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah used The Daily Show to say that the justices are “full of shit.” NBC’s other late night host, Jimmy Fallon, was less bitter, but still lamented the Court is not in tune with public opinion.
Meyers began in a mournful tone, “Last week, in a shocking yet sadly predictable move, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. I was angered, saddened by the news and before we get started, I just want to be clear that abortion is not only a woman's issue, it's not only a pregnant person's issue, it's everyone's issue.”
Meyers then turned things over to his writers, who were all wearing Bans Off Our Bodies pins. In a statement that summarized much of late night, Amber Ruffin declared, “We are devastated and disappointed in our country right now. We're joke writers, but we didn't want to come out here tonight and tell jokes or do goofy bits, that didn't feel right.”
During an interview with Planned Parenthood President Alexis McGill Johnson, Meyers asked, “So I have a question from the perspective of men, and I know there are many of us who support this issue we aren't exactly sure the best way to show it how -- what is the best, the most effective way to show that we're allies in this fight.
Johnson said the current show was a good start, but then grotesquely claimed that supporting abortion is sexy, “You're also hurt by patriarchy, you're also hurt by misogyny and I think it's, kind of, actually sexy when people support reproductive rights. I don't know about you.”
Later, Meyers would engage in fearmongering as he warned through a sketch that cases like Brown v. Board of Education, Obergefell v. Hodges, and Loving v. Virginia could all be next.
Fellow NBC host Jimmy Fallon began The Tonight Show by observing, “Everyone is talking about the Supreme Court after they made some pretty major decisions over the last few days and let me just sum it up for you. They basically said whether it's a gun or a baby, you're carrying something.”
Lamenting that the Court is out of touch with public opinion, Fallon then played a satirical ad from the Court that featured a narrator trying to avoid accountability, but at least Fallon was able to work in a joke about Biden, which is more than can be said of the others, “In response to the ruling, president Biden said the Court is literally taking America back 150 years and if there's anyone who knows what things were like back then, it would be President Biden.”
Over at Comedy Central, Noah decried the Dobbs ruling, “the constitution didn't change, right? Nicolas Cage didn't find a lost passage inside of a pyramid somewhere.”
It was the justices in Roe that found a National Treasure-like invisible provision in the Constitution, but Noah continued, “The only thing that changed is that Donald Trump, of all people, managed to appoint three pro-life justices to the Supreme Court. Judges who by the way went on and on in their confirmation hearings about how much they respect the important precedence of Roe v. Wade. And we all knew they were full of shit too.”
Noah would later invite on Daily Show “meteorologist” Desi Lydic, who would go on to report, “let's start in this part of the country with these red states. Where you can expect a real shitstorm, we're looking at widespread power outages as in your power to make your own decisions. So ladies, you might want to stock up on those raincoats before Justice Alito bans them too.”
She also admitted that, for men, supporting abortion is really about consequence-free sex, “Now I hope you have been saving up for a rainy day because this one might last you 18 years, longer if you pay for college. It was a fun night though.”
After claiming that the decision was predictable, Lydic added, “that doesn't mean it still doesn't burn the hell out of twats” and “[Bleep] Sam Alito and anyone else that tells a woman what to do with their own body.”
Such insightful commentary from late night “comedians.”
Meyers was sponsored by McDonald’s, Fallon by Liberty Mutual, and Noah by Applebee’s.
Here are transcripts for the June 27 and 28 shows:
NBC Late Night with Seth Meyers
6/28/2022
12:37
SETH MEYERS: Last week, in a shocking yet sadly predictable move, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade. I was angered, saddened by the news and before we get started, I just want to be clear that abortion is not only a woman's issue, it's not only a pregnant person's issue, it's everyone's issue. We all benefit from reproductive freedom and from access to legal and safe abortions. I think it's possible that men hear "My body, my choice," and we take away the message that it's not our issue to speak about, but it's everyone's job to advocate for reproductive rights, so I asked my writers amber, Jenny, and Ally, what I can do to help and they said, "You can start by shutting up."
JENNY HAGEL: That's right.
MEYERS: Okay.
HAGEL: We did.
MEYERS: Okay. Because when something like this happens, we should center the voices of people who are most affected by it.
ALLISON HORD: We said to shut up.
MEYERS: Okay.
AMBER RUFFIN: We are devastated and disappointed in our country right now. We're joke writers, but we didn't want to come out here tonight and tell jokes or do goofy bits, that didn't feel right.
HAGEL: Instead, we could share our feelings.
RUFFIN: We could talk to an expert on reproductive rights.
HORD: Or we could burn it all to the ground.
HAGEL: But – but-- we're not going to do that. We're going to do the second one.
…
12:44 AM ET
MEYERS: So I have a question from the perspective of men, and I know there are many of us who support this issue we aren't exactly sure the best way to show it how -- what is the best, the most effective way to show that we're allies in this fight.
ALEXIS MCGILL JOHNSON: Well look, a good ally is an active ally, not a passive ally, right? You're a great ally right now, kind of centering this conversation as the opening of the show and it's -- it's-- important for men to talk about – about-- what's happening and what's at stake, right? You're, you know, also affected by -- by-- the impact to abortion. You're also hurt by patriarchy, you're also hurt by misogyny and I think it's, kind of, actually sexy when people support reproductive rights. I don't know about you.
…
12:51 AM ET
BROWN v. BOARD OF EDUCATION: As you all know there’s been a leaked draft and one of us is on it.
OBERGEFELL V. HODGES: A draft? Are we going to war?
BROWN: No, a drafted proposal to overturn one of us.
ROE v. WADE: Damn, that's sad. Well, sorry to see you go, Loving v. Virginia. Interracial marriage had its run.
LOVING v. VIRGINIA: What, interracial marriage? I'm all about how love doesn't see color.
ROE: Yeah, but we don't need a law to prove that anymore. The Kardashians already solidified that.
LOVING: Well, then get rid of Obergefell v. Hodges and gay marriage.
OBERGEFELL: What, gay marriage? No way I'm all about love, too. Plus, I'm the newest and I was passed while Obama was in office. They wouldn't want to get rid of something Obama did.
BROWN: If you ask me, I think it's Roe v. Wade.
ROE: What makes you say that?
BROWN: Well, because it says here, "Draft to overturn Roe v. Wade."
ROE: What?
OBERGEFELL: Damn,
LOVING: Knew it was him
OBERGEFELL: Wait, you made us guess when you had it on your phone this whole time?
BROWN: Hey, man, let's focus on Roe v. Wade and them possibly overturning abortions.
ROE: To think they're okay with overturning a woman's constitutional right is just –
OBERGEFELL: Just wrong.
LOVING: Terrible.
BROWN: [Bleep] up. Hey, but, Roe, we're going to hold it down in here.
ROE: What do you mean hold it down? The way I see it is if I get overturned, we're all getting overturned.
BROWN: Overturned with you I didn't get that notification on my phone.
ROE: Don't need to the way I see it is if I'm gone, nobody's safe. Yes, abortion is now, but next it'll be gay marriage.
OBERGEFELL: Oh, don't say that.
ROE: Then it'll be interracial marriage.
LOVING: Man, I just want to love white people is that wrong?
ROE: Whoa.
LOVING: What? Love is love.
ROE: Yeah, love is love, but chill.
D.C. V. HELLER: Next they'll take away my constitutional right to have guns.
BROWN: You know damn well they're not doing anything about guns.
HELLER: You're right. Well, I guess I'll just get back to ordering more guns. Oh, there's a two for one. Anybody want one?
ROE: But they'll overturn everything else. Next thing you know, they'll segregate our schools again.
BROWN: Come on, now, not the kids. Times have changed
ROE: Have they, though I mean, people are still getting chastised for how they look, who they love, or what they want to do with their bodies.
BROWN: You've got a point. What should we do?
OBERGEFELL: Ooh, what if when they come for Roe v. Wade, we turn off all the lights and pretend we aren't here?
LOVING: Man, how would that even work?
BROWN: They would just turn the lights back on.
OBERGEFELL: I was just trying to help.
BROWN: The best we can do is stick together.
LOVING: Shh, you heard that? I think someone is coming.
ROE: I'm not going out without a fight.
OBERGEFELL: I'll get the light.
SUPREME COURT JUSTICE: Huh, I guess Roe v. Wade isn't here.
OBERGEFELL: See, I told you turning off the lights would work.
BROWN: He's right behind you he's right behind –
OBERGEFELL: He's right behind me, isn't he? Ah [bleep]
HELLER: Y'all sure y'all don't want a gun?
***
NBC The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
6/27/2022
11:35 PM ET
JIMMY FALLON: Let's get to the news. Everyone is talking about the Supreme Court after they made some pretty major decisions over the last few days and let me just sum it up for you. They basically said whether it's a gun or a baby, you're carrying something. That's right on Friday, the Supreme Court voted to overturn Roe v. Wade. I don't have to tell you that plenty of people are furious with the Supreme Court right now. And in an attempt to tamp down the anger, the Supreme Court released this message. Watch this.
NARRATOR: We here at the Supreme Court recognize that millions of Americans are angry over our recent actions but we really want to hear what you have to say. So, call us at 1-800–345-[mumbling]-9. Or email us at contactus@supremecourt.net and you can always write to us at the address on the screen. The United States Supreme Court: because your opinion matters.
FALLON: You just write, you just find the address. In response to the ruling, president Biden said the Court is literally taking America back 150 years and if there's anyone who knows what things were like back then, it would be President Biden.
***
Comedy Central The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
6/27/2022
11:02 PM ET
TREVOR NOAH: That's right, its Supreme Court has officially overturned Roe v. Wade. Now look, I know we expected it because the decision was leaked back in May but that doesn't make it any better, you know, kind of like when as a kid were you acting up in the grocery store and your mom would tell you “oh, I'm going to whip your ass when we get home.” Yeah, you weren’t like “Oh sweet, I'm glad she told me first, that will soften the blow.”
Because in some ways it almost made it worse, right? We got to dread the day and now that day is here. And honestly, it's keep of surreal, for 50 years, 50 years, women in America have had a constitutional right to an abortion and now just like that, the Supreme Court has decided that it's finished. And by the way the constitution didn't change, right? Nicolas Cage didn't find a lost passage inside of a pyramid somewhere.
The only thing that changed is that Donald Trump, of all people, managed to appoint three pro-life justices to the Supreme Court. Judges who by the way went on and on in their confirmation hearings about how much they respect the important precedence of Roe v. Wade.
And we all knew they were full of shit too, huh, because, I mean, that is the same line you use whenever you book an Airbnb. I would never throw a party. Party? Party? Am I even saying that right, party? By the way in say hot tub in this house, yeah? It seems like the only people on the plan who didn't realize what was happening were Joe Manchin and Susan Collins who now say that they were tricked, tricked I tell you by these judges.
…
11:15 PM ET
DESI LYDIC: Well, Trevor let's start in this part of the country with these red states. Where you can expect a real shitstorm, we're looking at widespread power outages as in your power to make your own decisions. So ladies, you might want to stock up on those raincoats before Justice Alito bans them too. And for the men in this region, this storm affects you too. Now I hope you have been saving up for a rainy day because this one might last you 18 years, longer if you pay for college. It was a fun night though.
Now, let's take a look at what is happening along the coast. Particularly in New York and California where there is a powerful surges of desperate people flooding into your state. So blow up those air mattresses and fill up that gas tank because Tammy from Tulsa is moving in.
Now and this is important, let's take a look at the nation’s capital. Here is where you are going to see a strong downpour of unprecedented shitbagery. We're seeing three separate natural disasters converging to form what meteorologists like to call a what-the-[bleep]-nado. Now first let's talk about Congress which is experiencing a severe drought of leadership, very, very dry conditions.
Now over at the White House they have been experiencing some very high winds, just completely blowing it. But the real weather event is happening over at the Supreme Court. Now our storm centers have been tracking this for years so we knew this acid rain was coming but that doesn't mean it still doesn't burn the hell out of twats so that's the weather, back to you, Trevor.
NOAH: I think, thank you, thank you very much, Desi. But clearly that wasn't about the weather. I am—
LYDIC: No, no, it wasn't. [Bleep] Sam Alito and anyone else that tells a woman what to do with their own body.
