CBS’s Stephen Colbert used Wednesday’s edition of The Late Show to express his displeasure at the Supreme Court ruling in favor of a praying public high school football coach. According to Colbert’s less than brilliant analysis, the decision could lead the way to Satanic goat sacrifices at your local high school football game.
Even worse from Colbert’s perspective was the fact that this wasn’t the only win for religious liberty at the Court this term, or as he framed it, “[Carson v. Makin] was not the only ruling where the conservative majority shoved their religion down our state.”
This case, Kennedy v. Bremerton School District, was about Coach Joe Kennedy trying to “yank the First Amendment away from Charlie Brown.”
Colbert reported that, “In the majority decision here, Justice Gorsuch writes that the coach, ‘Offered his prayers quietly while his students were otherwise occupied.’ Okay, quietly. That sounds okay. Let's check out those quiet prayers.”
Most people know that “quietly” isn’t the same thing as “silently” and that in an open-air football stadium quiet can be a relative term, but Colbert then played video footage from The Seattle Times in 2015 of a Kennedy-led prayer in an attempt to prove his point.
The video was close-in footage, perhaps giving the impression the prayer was louder than it really was. Still, Colbert was not happy, reading from Politico he declared, “Okay, I enjoy praying, but, Jesus. Now, the praying got even less private during one homecoming game, when the coach was joined by ‘a state legislator and the media.’ ‘Spectators jumped over the fence to reach the field, and people tripped over cables and fell, and school band members were knocked over.’”
Colbert concluded his ramblings by asserting that “If the Court believes this type of Christian ritual is okay for public schools, then I'm sure they'll be fine with every religion going varsity. I can't wait for the Satanic cheerleaders: ‘D-E-V-I-L! C'mon team let's burn in hell! Saaaaacrifice a goat!’"
No, Stephen, that is the not the appropriate analogy. It is not as if Bremerton High School cheerleaders was chanting “J-E-S-U-S!” That would arguably be establishing a state religion, the coach praying with some players after the game would not be, but it is not as if Colbert was ever good at trying to find the appropriate analogy for this case.
This segment was sponsored by Crest.
Here is a transcript for the June 29 show:
CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
6/29/2022
11:45 PM ET
STEPHEN COLBERT: That was not the only ruling where the conservative majority shoved their religion down our state. They also ruled in favor of a public high school football coach who prayed at midfield. [Blows Whistle] "Illegal procedure! 12 apostles on the field. The Center" [Blows Whistle]. There's nothing the guys up in the sound booth like better than a whistle. [Blows Whistle] Is this on?
At the center of the case was former coach Joe Kennedy, seen here about to yank the First Amendment away from Charlie Brown. Kennedy—Kennedy-- sued his school district after they fired him for “engaging in public prayers on the field while flanked by student athletes after games.” According to the school, “players' parents complained their children on the team felt compelled to participate.” Oh, I'm sure the students didn't feel any pressure. Coaches famously don't expect players to follow their leads: "Johnson, that's your fifth fumble. Take a lap... If you want. You are the captain of your own journey."
In the majority decision here, Justice Gorsuch writes that the coach, "Offered his prayers quietly while his students were otherwise occupied." Okay, quietly. That sounds okay. Let's check out those quiet prayers.
JOE KENNEDY: In Jesus’s name. Yes, Lord. Hallelujah. Praise Jesus. Amen.
STUDENTS: We love you, Jesus! Jesus!"
COLBERT: Okay, I enjoy praying, but, Jesus. Now, the praying got even less private during one homecoming game, when the coach was joined by “a state legislator and the media.” “Spectators jumped over the fence to reach the field, and people tripped over cables and fell, and school band members were knocked over.” The next night, they held a prayer vigil for the prayer victims. Thoughts and prayers. But if the Court believes-- If the Court believes this type of Christian ritual is okay for public schools, then I'm sure they'll be fine with every religion going varsity. I can't wait for the Satanic cheerleaders: "D-e-v-I-l! C'mon team let's burn in hell! Saaaaacrifice a goat!"
