The new season of HBO’s Last Week Tonight debuted on Sunday with host John Oliver bitterly attacking Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas for making people’s lives “demonstrable worse for decades” and therefore offering him $1 million per year and a new luxury RV if he resigns and gets “the fuck off the Supreme Court.” A day later on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, Jon Stewart approved, wondering if Thomas would accept the offer.
Oliver wasn’t sure if the $1 million was enough, “You have exactly 30 days from midnight tonight to make your resignation effective. And if you're still on the fence, I actually have a little deal sweetener that I'm excited to show you, so please come with me. Just come this way. Because we know you've got a lot on your plate right now from stripping away women's rights to hearing January 6th cases you definitely shouldn't be hearing to potentially helping roll back decades of federal regulations, and you deserve a break.”
While walking off set to a different stage, Oliver continued:
You know, away from the ‘meanness of Washington.’ So you can be surrounded by the ‘regular folks’ whose lives you've made demonstrably worse for decades now. And the good news is, I think we can help you there because, since your favorite mode of travel might be in need of an upgrade, we're excited to offer you... this brand new, top-of-the-line Prevost Marathon Motor Coach. Look at this beauty, Clarence! It's worth $2.4 million, and it's got a full bedroom—yes, that's a king bed—one and a half baths, a fucking fireplace, four TVs, a washer-dryer, and I quote, ‘Residential-sized fridge.’”
Oliver could not bring himself to believe that Thomas actually has a judicial philosophy. For him, Thomas could only be other people’s puppet:
And if you're thinking, what will my friends say if I take this offer? Will they judge me, as they sit in their boardrooms and mega yachts and Hitler shrines? Will they still treat me to luxury vacations, and sing songs about me off their phones? Well, that's the beauty of friendship, Clarence. If they're real friends, they'll love you no matter what your job is. So, I guess this might be the perfect way to find out who your real friends actually are. So that's the offer. A million dollars a year, Clarence, and a brand new condo on wheels, and all you have to do in return is sign the contract and get the fuck off the Supreme Court.”
A day later, Stewart was interviewing podcasters and law professors Melissa Murray and Kate Shaw who contribute to MSNBC and ABC, respectively. Stewart began, “John Oliver has offered Clarence Thomas a Winnebago and a million dollars a year to—and this is his words, not mine—get the [bleep] off the Supreme Court. Will—in your—you’re Court watchers, you’re experts on the Supreme Court, will he accept this offer?”
Murray retorted that “I think this is a Harlan Crow counter-offer opportunity.”
Following up, Stewart wondered, “You believe that his benefactor is going to have to counter, but what do you counter with? It's a beautiful Winnebago and a million dollars here. Is there anything else to life?”
Ultimately, Oliver and Stewart are just looking for reasons to be angry at Thomas and delegitimize the Court for rulings it doesn’t like. Does anyone who has followed Thomas’s life and career really believe that he is simply other people’s puppet?
Here are transcripts for the February 18 and 19 shows:
HBO Last Week Tonight
2/18/2-24
11:36 PM ET
JOHN OLIVER: You have exactly 30 days from midnight tonight to make your resignation effective. And if you're still on the fence, I actually have a little deal sweetener that I'm excited to show you, so please come with me. Just come come this way. Because we know you've got a lot on your plate right now from stripping away women's rights to hearing January 6th cases you definitely shouldn't be hearing to potentially helping roll back decades of federal regulations, and you deserve a break.
You know, away from the "Meanness of Washington." So you can be surrounded by the "regular folks" whose lives you've made demonstrably worse for decades now. And the good news is, I think we can help you there because, since your favorite mode of travel might be in need of an upgrade, we're excited to offer you... this brand new, top-of-the-line Prevost Marathon Motor Coach. Look at this beauty, Clarence! It's worth $2.4 million, and it's got a full bedroom —yes, that's a king bed— one and a half baths, a fucking fireplace, four TVs, a washer-dryer, and I quote, "Residential-sized fridge."
And if you're thinking, what will my friends say if I take this offer? Will they judge me, as they sit in their boardrooms and mega yachts and Hitler shrines? Will they still treat me to luxury vacations, and sing songs about me off their phones? Well, that's the beauty of friendship, Clarence. If they're real friends, they'll love you no matter what your job is. So, I guess this might be the perfect way to find out who your real friends actually are. So that's the offer. A million dollars a year, Clarence, and a brand new condo on wheels, and all you have to do in return is sign the contract and get the fuck off the Supreme Court.
***
Comedy Central The Daily Show
2/19/2024
11:21 PM ET
JON STEWART: I want to start with you guys, a simple question. John Oliver has offered Clarence Thomas a Winnebago and a million dollars a year —and this is his words, not mine—get the [bleep] off the Supreme Court. Will— in your—you’re Court watchers, you’re experts on the Supreme Court, will he accept this offer?
MELISSA MURRAY: I think this is a Harlan Crow counter-offer opportunity.
STEWART: You believe that his benefactor is going to have to counter, but what do you counter with? It's a beautiful Winnebago and a million dollars here. Is there anything else to life?
MURRAY: Not if you enjoy spending time in the parking lots of Walmart, as Justice Thomas does.
