The Monday news media news surrounding Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon provided the late night comedy shows a golden opportunity to show they aren’t just liberal partisans. However, they would fail this test as individual jokes about Carlson outnumbered jokes about Lemon 32-to-2 with five additional jokes about both men.
Comedy Central’s The Daily Show temp host Desi Lydic came in with a 6:1 ratio. Her most notable jabs at Carlson included, “I can't believe that a network that’s so opposed to gender-affirming surgery just cut off their own dick. Though, apparently, Tucker was forced out by Rupert Murdoch, which is pretty ironic. Tucker spent so many years saying that Mexican people were coming to take our jobs away. Turns out, he should have been worrying about Australians.”
While Lydic celebrated Carlson’s departure, “I'm also a little nervous about what he’s going to do next, you know? It's like, after Papa John got fired. You just knew he was there somewhere working on a pizza that gives you even worse diarrhea.”
However, of all five late night comedy shows to tape on Monday (Stephen Colbert has the week off), Lydic was the one with the best Lemon joke, “By the way, Tucker Carlson isn't the only cable news anchor to get the ax. CNN just fired Don Lemon after 17 New Year's Eve blackouts -- sorry. Years of service.”
The other hosts were more imbalanced. NBC Late Night’s Seth Meyers’s ratio of Carlson-to-Lemon jokes was 12:1 and included, “Fox News announced today that it has parted ways with host Tucker Carlson and last Friday was his final show, which is great, but also unsettling, at least when he had a show, we knew where he was. It's creepy trying to fall asleep with a ventriloquist dummy in your room, but it's way creepier when you wake up and it's not there anymore.”
Meyers would also devote his “Closer Look” segment to Carlson and Fox. As for Lemon, while it was a joke about Lemon, it was also a joke about Fox, “Also, today CNN parted ways with anchor Don Lemon amid accusations of sexist behavior. Wow! Does anybody have an opening for a sexist? Oh, right.”
ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel told 11 jokes exclusively about Carlson and zero about Lemon, “Tucker couldn't be reached for comment, he's already on a plane to Moscow to meet with his manager, but what a shock I mean, what an absolutely delightful shock this is. They say Rupert Murdoch made this decision himself. This is more like an episode of Succession than last night's episode of Succession.”
Kimmel would also play a montage of what he considered to be Carlson’s worst moments. As for Lemon, “Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson, for those of you who don't follow cable, this is like if Ronald McDonald and the Burger King got fired on the same day.”
NBC The Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon was also unanimous, but only with a 3:0 ratio, “Some people aren't sure what led to his exit, but Fox said they can think of almost a billion reasons why. Yep, Tucker Carlson is out, when he heard Vladimir Putin was like, ‘Damn, we need a new PR guy.’ It's easy to make jokes about Tucker being gone, but now who is going to tell me which m&m is most woke, you know.”
Fallon may have appeared to make a joke about Lemon, but it was more about CNN, “Don Lemon announced that he was fired by CNN. When he found out that he no longer worked at CNN, Lemon was like, ‘Woo-hoo! Later, suckers! Ha ha!’”
CBS’s James Corden kicked off his last week as host of The Late Late Show with two jokes exclusively about Carlson and zero about Lemon, “Tucker Carlson has now worked at, and left, MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News. He's running out of options now. Like, soon he'll be on the Weather Channel, saying that hurricanes are caused by drag queens.”
There were plenty more jokes about Carlson’s politics, but no jokes about Lemon’s.
The Daily Show was sponsored by Audi, Late Night was sponsored by Applebee’s, Jimmy Kimmel Live! was sponsored by Toyota, The Tonight Show was sponsored by Subway, and The Late Late Show was sponsored by Energizer Batteries.
Here are transcripts of the April 24-taped shows:
Comedy Central The Daily Show
4/24/2023
11:04 PM ET
DESI LYDIC: Wow. Wow. I can't believe that a network that’s so opposed to gender-affirming surgery just cut off their own dick. Though, apparently, Tucker was forced out by Rupert Murdoch, which is pretty ironic. Tucker spent so many years saying that Mexican people were coming to take our jobs away. Turns out, he should have been worrying about Australians. And we still don't know exactly what led Rupert Murdoch to fire his network's biggest star, but reportedly, he was concerned over Carlson's conspiracy theories about January 6th. So let this be a lesson to everybody. If you try to topple America's democracy, you can stay on TV for two more years and that's it! For whatever the reason was, Tucker's firing is going to leave a huge white power vacuum at Fox.
And I am glad he is gone. But if I'm being honest, I'm also a little nervous about what he’s going to do next, you know? It's like, after Papa John got fired. You just knew he was there somewhere working on a pizza that gives you even worse diarrhea. By the way, Tucker Carlson isn't the only cable news anchor to get the ax. CNN just fired Don Lemon after 17 New Year's Eve blackouts -- sorry. Years of service.
***
NBC The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
4/24/2023
11:35 PM ET
JIMMY FALLON: Today Fox News announced that they are parting ways with Tucker Carlson. Some people aren't sure what led to his exit, but Fox said they can think of almost a billion reasons why. Yep, Tucker Carlson is out, when he heard Vladimir Putin was like, "Damn, we need a new PR guy."
It's easy to make jokes about Tucker being gone, but now who is going to tell me which m&m is most woke, you know. Fox knows their viewers are going to miss Tucker, so until they find a replacement, his show will be hosted by a golf shirt with the collars popped.
Yeah, it was a big day in the cable news world, 'cause just minutes after the Tucker story broke, Don Lemon announced that he was fired by CNN. When he found out that he no longer worked at CNN, Lemon was like, "Woo- hoo! Later, suckers! Ha ha!
***
ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!
4/24/2023
11:44 PM ET
JIMMY KIMMEL: Someone released a photograph of Tucker's face the moment he found out he was being fired and you can see he was surprised to say the least. Tucker couldn't be reached for comment, he's already on a plane to Moscow to meet with his manager, but what a shock I mean, what an absolutely delightful shock this is. They say Rupert Murdoch made this decision himself. This is more like an episode of Succession than last night's episode of Succession, and that wasn't the only dramatic cable news beheading announced today, about a few minutes after the Fox announcement. This came out on CNN.
JOHN KING: I want to share with you some important news right here at our own network. CNN's Oliver Darcy is back with us. Olive, what do you know?
OLIVER DARCEY: Some shocking news again, John, in the world of cable news, Don Lemon and CNN have parted ways.
KIMMEL: Again with the parted ways, Don Lemon and Tucker Carlson, for those of you who don't follow cable, this is like if Ronald McDonald and the Burger King got fired on the same day.
***
The Late Late Show with James Corden
4/25/2023
12:44 PM ET
JAMES CORDEN: Tucker Carlson has now worked at, and left, MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News. He's running out of options now. Like, soon he'll be on the Weather Channel, saying that hurricanes are caused by drag queens. Tucker Carlson’s out. And it was also announced today that Don Lemon is out at CNN. And I think I know what's going on here, they're getting out while the getting's good, right? Because soon the only reputable news source will be gone on Thursday, it's us, right? They can’t figure it out. We break the news, they just take the news, you know.
***
NBC Late Night with Seth Meyers
4/25/2023
12:37 AM ET
SETH MEYERS: Fox News announced today that it has parted ways with host Tucker Carlson and last Friday was his final show, which is great, but also unsettling, at least when he had a show, we knew where he was. It's creepy trying to fall asleep with a ventriloquist dummy in your room, but it's way creepier when you wake up and it's not there anymore. Huh, that's weird. Oh my god, is it behind me? Also, today CNN parted ways with anchor Don Lemon amid accusations of sexist behavior. Wow! Does anybody have an opening for a sexist? Oh, right.
