NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” showed an animated short on May 19 depicting every possible 2008 presidential candidate, from both sides of the aisle, sitting down and having a tell-all chat with Oprah Winfrey.
As the frontrunners one by one told Oprah secrets that would surely cost them votes in the election, one thing became perfectly clear: Hillary Clinton was the only serious candidate that avoided saying anything even remotely embarrassing (video available here, h/t Allah at Hot Air).
By far the biggest target was Rudy Giuliani, Hillary’s main foe, who spoke up a total of ten times (the reader is warned that some of this stuff is pretty raw):
- My kids hate me
- My wife had one extra husband that nobody knew about
- My kids despise me
- Actually, I have eight wives. One of them is the Snapple Lady
- I had Bob Hope killed
- I have slaves
- (Rudy shows a confederate flag tattoo)
- I’ve masturbated in the Lincoln Memorial
- I took funds from five Cincinnati Bengals (?)
- ? peed on the carpet, so I set him on fire.
The next most eviscerated candidate was – drum roll please – the person currently most likely to defeat Hillary in the Democrat primaries and caucuses, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Illinois):
- I’ve used marijuana, and cocaine
- I’m high right now
- I changed my name to Barack Hussein Obama. Originally, my name was Hitler von Jews Are Bad
- I have false teeth
- Sometimes when I’m alone, I talk to myself…
Nice, huh?
The next most chided candidate was Hillary’s other major Republican contender, John McCain (R-Arizona), who said or did the following:
- I’ve got Hep-C
- Oprah, I took a d**p in your jacket pocket
- I rubbed my n**s on Nancy Pelosi’s gavel
- (Knocks out Giuliani) I just did that
And, Al Gore, who many believe will eventually enter the race, admitted to this:
- I have herpes (actually stepped in front of a chart to show where)
- I killed and ate three bald eagles this morning
- I invented AIDS
So, Hillary’s four major contenders said a total of 22 absurd and vulgar things about themselves. What was her only confession to Oprah:
There was one incident many years ago when I was young and carefree when I had sex with Bill Clinton.
What a disgrace. These other candidates prostrated themselves in front of Oprah, and the only thing Hillary had to confess was having had sex once with her husband who used to be president and is still married to her.
Horrors.
The only thing that would have made this entire video more obvious would have been if all of the candidates AND Oprah were wearing Hillary in ’08 buttons.
